Moving Mountains and giving miracles

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."Matthew 17:19-21


About a year ago, things were really difficult for me.  I wanted God to give me  miracle, he did not, I began to doubt God, to doubt that he existed, because if he did, then why wouldn't he give me this miracle that I asked for.  Why would a God so loving, let me hurt and want this miracle and not give it to me, it must have been that he didn't really exist.


I went on for months, back and forth with this doubt.


Then around Christmas, i was talking to some good friends of mine.  Previously, they had 25+ miscarriages and were told they could never conceive children.  They have a beautiful, 5 year old daughter that they adopted, and she is the apple of their eye.  Well, this particular day, the 5 year old was telling me how her mom had a baby in her belly!   My heart immediately sank, I was happy for them, but history would leave you to believe that it was only a matter of time before she lost the baby.   As It turned out, they had known they were pregnant for awhile, and they hadn't said anything because they too, expected to loose the baby.  And, they were now entering their 2nd trimester, which was further than they had ever gotten, and their was no reason to think that this time the baby wouldn't be carried to full term.    


I began to pray for them daily, for me, and for them.  I wanted this to work, I wanted to see that my God IS capable of miracles, and wanted to see one, to restore my faith.  as time passed, and they entered their 3rd trimester, I began to restore my faith in God, ok.  If he could perform this miracle, he could in theory perform the miracle that i wanted, and if for some reason he wasn't it was because he knows better than me.  My life and faith was changed with the conception of this baby this baby that wasn't meant to be.


Turns out, later having a conversation with the father, Last summer, when they were ready to give up on the possibility of conceiving a child, (through surgical means)  God spoke to the father and told him to wait.  To wait, he had great things in store for him.  This father, who had the faith of a mustard seed, has now seen a mountain moved!  That little bit of faith that God would take care of them, and they did not seek out the surgical end to ever bearing children, well that faith moved a mountain as they conceived and carried a child.


Last week, at 34 weeks, this baby was born.  He was delivered early via c-section due to complications that had arisen, turns out, that too was an act of God, because had he not been delivered then, he might not have made it.  Another miracle in the life of this child.  This sweet baby is not even a week old, and has a testimony so strong on what God can do, that it is AWE-inspiring.  


The day that this sweet baby was born, i cried.  I cried tears of joy, I knew then that my GOD is an AWESOME God!  He is capable of doing great things.   Things that I can not imagine.  To see this child grow, and to be a part of his life, is the greatest gift God could have given me.  I am amazed at the faith his parents must have had to be able to endure months of pregnancy and not be terrified every day that something would go wrong.   


Sometimes, the miracles and requests we ask God for, he doesn't have planned for us.  We should take comfort in the fact that if he doesn't give us what we ask for, it is not because he's not there, or mean, it's because he is a loving God.


God did not give me the miracle that I asked for, he has not given it to me to date, but he did allow me to witness this Miracle and that has changed my life, it has changed how I thought, and touched me to the soul.   This sweet baby, has changed who  I am.

This baby continues to grow and get stronger every day.  He is in wonderful health and will go home with his Mom, Dad, and Big Sister in a few weeks!

He will be loved and cherished, raised surrounded with God's love!

the new tattoo

I got a new Tattoo this past weekend, here is what it looks like.

Lots of people don't understand tattoos or why someone would get one.  This one though, is very meaningful to me and i thought i would share about why i chose to get it and why it is so meaningful to me.

i think there is a misconception that people get tattoos as a "decoration" like a piece of jewlery, and while some people do, not everyone.   That the tattoos are for other people to look at, and admittedly, i have seen these people, and i'm not real fond of that type of tattoo.   This one, I didn't get for anyone else to look at, i got it because i wanted to look at it,  It is purely for me, and what everyone else thinks, is secondary.

The symbolism in this tattoo is that the 2 hearts are my husband and I, and the cross of course Christ.  If you look you'll see that the 2 hearts can not "get to each other" without going through the cross.  The hearts are also smaller than the cross.    The meaning in this for me is that even the most important relationships in my life (my marriage) are NOTHING without Christ in the middle.

I chose to have this tattoo placed on my wrist so that I could see it all the time.  So that sometimes, i'll catch a glimpse of it in my day and i can stop what i'm doing and pray, or just take time to listen to God, because that's not something i often slow down enough to do.   I have also found that in times of despair, when i feel the whole world is against me, i often literally hang my head.  and in doing so am left looking at my hands.  In those times, I will see this tattoo, even if i am angry at God, it will take me back to the time when i wasn't, and i will be reminded that whatever is wrong, however bad it is, God is in the middle of it and it will be ok.

as an unexpected plus of the tattoo...people ask about it.  It was done very well, and people who like tattoos will stop and ask me who did it, ect.  what it means, different things like that.  I find that though i didn't plan for it to be, it is an opening to a "kingdom conversation"  a conversation that lets people know about God, and that helps me to reach out to a group of people that i probably wouldn't reach out to.  

If scarring my skin can help to keep me strong and focused, and maybe lead someone else to Christ as an unexpected "side effect"  i don't see how my decision was a bad one.  I am very pleased with it, and i am hoping that in writing this, some of you that think i've "lost it" will see that i haven't, i'm just a little unconventional.  But you, didn't ever think i was normal did you?